Image is everything? I wonder. This happens to me often. Insecurity is a disadvantage. However, we can turn things around and use it to our advantage.

1. Believe it or not, a person with insecurity brings a bit of charm to others. It makes them somewhat loveable. However, we shouldn't overdo this point of view -- it might spell trouble.

2. If we don't become comfortable with ourself, then chances are we'll work it out to make ourselves better, faster and stronger, and it could make us grow in the process.

3. Maybe being insecure makes you understand other people's emotions. In turn, it gives you a slight orientation of the depth of that person.

4. Jumping to conclusions? Stop it. Write it down and laugh at it later.

I shouldn't compare myself with other people. I became very disappointed, jealous, and bitter to myself when I realized how good they were. It turned out that they were also comparing themselves to me. The same principles were applied to them. Too bad.

We should learn to accept our potential and develop it. Enjoy your work. You have your own plans. Enjoy them. Don't forget that you have your own achievement.

If I read a lot of novels in quick succession it really affects my thinking: I start to have this weird narrative self-consciousness about everyday life. Is it just me or am I just paranoid? I feel like I'm a novel and someone's actually reading my story right now, while it's unfolding. 

Lately I've been tempted to stop reading novels for a while. I tried watching the TV but the soaps aired are boring like watching wall paint dry. I really have to rehabilitate myself. I'm getting nerdy and geeky. Anything's that's too much has got to stop.

"Yukino, dear! Arima just dropped by." What now, dad?

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I told him that you're occupied on reading, so he said not to bother you. Anyway, he said hello and dropped you a present too." A present? "But I bet it's boring and I'm sure the present I gave you last week is better than his. Mine's super!" Dad, I'm not particular of a cookbook, so drop it.

"A PRESENT?! Lemme' see! Lemme see!... wow, a novel." Well I guess it wouldn't harm to read one more.

I'm late today. Luckily, there's no sign of sensei yet when I entered the room. I wonder if something happened. He usually comes to class early. Anyway, the noise plus commotion inside the class ceased when Kawashima sensei popped out from nowhere.

"I regret to inform you that your teacher will not be able to lecture you for a week -- maybe at least for a week. As of now, he has been permitted to stay in the hospital because of pneumonia."

"Mr. Kawashima? Is sensei alright?" Arima intruded.

He's sick? And he's cofined for a week? There's a sad thought in this picture: some of my classmates are actually happy.

I guess they're excited that classes might be cancelled for our block for that period. The number of teachers in Hokuei High is just right. I don't know if there's someone at the back who could fill in for our class. Either we won't hold classes for a week or there would be a substitute teacher that we don't know.

"Don't worry. He's presently taking his rest. We all think he's just exhausted. To the relief of everone, he's fine. Demo, with the circumstance at hand, the principal has decided to give you a substitute teacher. He's a former master sergeant from the army and he's going to be your replacement sensei for a week. Enjoy the drills!"

"NANI?!" the class meets in a consensus.

Everybody turned pale. I could hear weeping in the room. My seatmate dropped his pencil, he's frozen. Some of the people at the back stood up and grabbed their bags, but before they could make it to the exit -- the former master sergeant enters the fray.

"Where are you going?" oh my... we're in deep... wait... WHAT A HOTTIE!

The girls who were attempting to leave dropped their bags. Everygirl in the room has been blown away. A heavenly portrait, they gazed upon the chiseled frame, witnessed the splendor of his masculine body, overwhelmed by his capture, this might not be a bad idea.

"Ohayou-gozaimasu. Before we start, I would like you to set your desks aside. DROP AND GIVE ME THIRTEEN! ON THE DOUBLE!" suddenly the tide turned and heavy wind gushed into the classroom. The mirror has been shattered. 

"Good push-ups. For those who didn't produce even one push-up, please practice. We'll be having a morning exercise before the start of class. Anyway, set your desks where they were before. Go back to your seats. I'm your substitute teacher for a week. I'm a former master seargeant and..."

He's a little bit strict -- I don't know, maybe he's really strict. Not to mention he has a very clear voice too. I bet his voice can be heard from the top of the mountain. Quite frankly, he's not a bad teacher.

"Miyazawa!" snap!

"HAI?!"

"I order you to retrieve my lectures in the photocopy machine, pronto! This is a priority one! Move!" with a smile.

"Hai!!" since when did I join the service? This blows. "Here are your papers, sir!"

"Oh. Thank you. You could just call me sensei."

"Yes si-- sensei!"

"Si-- sensei? *snickers* Go back to your seat, Miyazawa."

Wah, he's very intense. He's really working out. Come to think of it, I've noticed that only a little bit muscle padding more, his polo shirt would rip open.

He's really systematic too. When we were asked to solve math problems, he can't help but intrude to give out remarks. In the end, everybody's restless and their confidence in solving equations slowly declines. He's also giving the everybody plenty of opportunity to participate class recitations. Soueba, everyone in the class has recited already.

"Okay class, after this lecture, I will give you an exam..."

"WHAT?!?!" outraged everyone. 

This is unfair, our original sensei would give us at least three days to absorb the information. After three days, that's the time that he would give us a test. But former master sergeant, this is insane! Please give us some time to internalize your lesso...

"... ple. Class, after this lecture I will give you an example."

"Hai?"

"Class, is something bothering you? Daijobou desu ka? Please tell me, so that I could adjust at your own pace. I would appreciate your comments if you're, in some way, aggravated. Are you bothered by me?" every warm bodies turned their heads at each other.

"Not at all, sir... err... sensei." Maho stated. "We're a little bit surprised, but we're not bothered."

"Thank you, Ms. Izawa. Do I teach very fast?" how did he know Maho's name?

"Class, when I heard that I'll be filling in for your teacher, I was very excited. I always look forward to meeting bright minds such as yours. I love teaching and, someday, I'm looking to be a full-time teacher in Hokuei High. Anyway, this is my first time to teach and you are my first class. Well, back at the army, I have the scout rangers infantry class, the private first class, the urban close quarter class, etc. But that's not the point." ookay.

I wonder if he's a nice teacher.

"The point is, I was so excited when I heard the news that I would be teaching Hokuei High students, so I quickly checked the class list. I've memorized your names, plus your kawaii faces." Oh, he loves to do his homework.

That's about it. I think he's really a nice teacher. In my opinion, he loves kids. It's hard to find a teacher that is a hottie, masculine, educated, loud and clear, at the same time not ashamed to show a soft side within, these days. Like I said, having him as our substitute teacher might not be a bad idea after all.

"Miyazawa!"

"Sen-- sir-- I mean sensei??"

"What are you doing?"  

"I'm - I'm writing on my -- diary... sensei."

"At this time of the day?!"

"Hai!... Well... some of my sentences are in present tense sensei!"

"Oh, carry on."

Awww. I'm already on the third page of my writeup, but it's still not making any sense. I'm afraid I might do it over. Although, it's a stupid option. I have to get myself systematic. Why I'm not satisfied with the progress of my paper is beyond me.

YEAH! WOOOOH YEAH! Tomorrow's going to be our first exam at Algebra! Here comes a familiar feeling that usually shows up before an exam. To tell you the truth, I feel cocky right now. I think I will be able ace every algebraic problems that will be thrown at me. From our past meetings, I sensed that my aura is somewhat superior among the rest of the class.

"Thems are fighting words!" Let me initiate my debut once again!

I heard someone crying inside the classroom. When I opened the door, to my surprise, Arima was crying. He was crying in front of Maho. Then, Maho looked at me. I had no choice but hurry over and see what was going on.

"Sorry. I'm really stupid. I bet you've never met someone as insensitive as I am. I am the worst, who always go after the lousiest things ever." Arima said.

"That's not true." he's such a loveable guy.

I think I know the reason why he chose to have a summer job. I think he doesn't want his parents to see him just slacking and goofing off during the summer break. Sigh, he's always doing these things. I told him already not to tire himself. Whatever you do, your parents will love you like always. He's always making sure of things.